Monday, July 6, 2009

Not Really In The Mood

I know I haven't posted much lately, and part of the reason is that I've been on the road for a while. But another part (and if I'm honest, it's the bigger part) of it is I'm just not in the mood.

I'll try to recap what's happened the last week or so.

I finished packing and getting the house ready for my dad's arrival so we could drive down to Texas and see Nathan and my family. Thank you to everyone who babysat for me so I could do this!

Finally my dad arrived and the day we were set to leave I had a doctor appointment. It didn't go well and we had to delay our drive down. I don't know how to post about it so I'll just spit it out--I miscarried. I had to have surgery the next day. So July 1 we went to the hospital and I had the surgery. About an hour after I woke up we were on the road.

To be honest, it was very hard for me when I found out we'd lost the baby. I spent that day and the next morning in shock and a weird fog. It was really a blessing that my dad was there with me since Nathan obviously couldn't be.

My dad gave me a priesthood blessing before the surgery, which I was grateful for. When I woke up from the surgery it was amazing. I felt so much peace. I hadn't expected that at all. Before the surgery I thought I would be depressed for a very long time. I was upset and confused and just didn't see me being happy again right away. And not that I was really happy, but I did feel happiness. I was able to enjoy the children I have (the nurses let them come in my room after the surgery), I felt amazing peace, and I felt that I could just give it up to the Lord to control. He's in charge and He knows what He's doing.

You may not be aware, but in our Church we believe that before we come to earth, we live in the presence of God as spirits. There are some that believe our spirits enter our bodies at conception; there are some that believe it is at birth; there are some that believe it is somewhere between the two. This was one of the biggest wonders for me. The leaders of our Church have never come right out and stated when it occurs and so everyone just wonders on their own. But when I woke up I realized it didn't matter (and this is perhaps why they have never bothered to make an official declaration on it).

God is in charge and that was all I needed to know.


Now we are in Texas. We got to see Nathan this weekend (YAY!) and spend as much time with him as about 30 hours would allow. I'm thinking on his next day off we will go up to San Antonio again and go to Sea World. That is, if it isn't 105 degrees again. . . .

Now we are back in Friendswood and just hanging out with family, trying to get Emma used to my parents, and trying to stay cool.

We are also getting ready for my brother's birthday, Jeremy's birthday, and my birthday! Jeremy's will of course be the most fun as it's theme is Star Wars.

18 comments:

Wade, Jenny, and Girls said...

I am sorry to hear about your baby. What a great testimony. Thanks for your example of faith.

Kim said...

Kellie - I cried for you when I read this. I know what you are going through, unfortunately, and I know there is not much anyone can say to make it any better. It just SUCKS! But, if you ever want to talk (or more realistically, e-mail back and forth) I'm here.

We are doing a Star Wars party too, for Levi's birthday this week. There are tons of fun ideas out there for it. Good Luck, it hope all of your birthdays are great.

Kristine said...

Sorry to hear about the miscarriage. We had one in between Curtis and Alessia. I too, thought I would be depressed longer than I was and really at times it did creep up on me and I was sad but the gospel and the spirit help so much. I am glad your dad could be there with you.
Enjoy your time in Texas. How long will you be there for?

Ry and Kris Jones said...

Kellie, I was so sorry to hear about this. But I'm also glad that you have so much faith and strength. I'm so gratful for your friendship and we both can't wait for you to come home so we can play games! We love you lots and hope you have a safe and fun trip.

Leanne said...

You are such a good example. I think I would be so angry. You are so strong, and such an amazing person! I'm so happy that you got to see Nathan. Glad you made it safely and that the surgery went well.

Star Wars? What's that?! (I've never seen them) thus, my children have no clue.

janeen said...

Kellie I hope you are feeling better. Misscarrying is never easy (we miscarried once too) but like you said the Lord is in charge and He will help you through it!

Rosemary said...

I am so sorry for your loss Kellie! I know that God will provide another child for you soon! Many hugs to you and your family!

Marilyn said...

That is tough... It is good that your Dad was there for you. It is hard with husbands in Medical or Dental school. I am finding that our more and more. I can't always have my spouse when I need him because of his demanding routine, especially now in my own pregnancy when I need him even more!

The Elledges said...

I'm so sorry you had to go through that without Nathan! We'll miss you guys this summer!!!

Janelle said...

Jerie emailed me late Thursday night to let me know. I'm so sorry Kellie. I was really sad for you, especially because I know it took you a long time to get okay with the timing of this pregnancy in the first place. I'm so glad that you were able to find peace about it, though, and move forward with enjoying the here and now. I'm also really glad that you got to see Nathan right away.

rachel said...

I'm so sorry Kellie! My thoughts and prayers are with you...truly a beautiful testimony you have. You are an amazing person :)

Carissa Poyfair said...

I'm so sorry, Kellie. You have such amazing faith and I'm so glad your dad was there to help you. How fun for you to get to see Nathan though. Have a great summer vacation!

The Mirci Family said...

You are an amazing person Kellie. I'm so sorry for your loss. Enjoy your family time in Texas!

katie said...

Who has time to post? Enjoy your vacation and every second you get with your husband. You're still the bravest woman I know. I couldn't handle your Canada Day without my husband. Hang in there.

katie said...

Who has time to post? Enjoy your vacation and every second you get with your husband. You're still the bravest woman I know. I couldn't handle your Canada Day without my husband. Hang in there.

annie valentine said...

I hate miscarriages, I'm so sorry. You're awesome, and what a little blessing that three year old must be for you. You're awesome, I hope all women in that situation can find the peace you have found.

Colin -N- Lori said...

I am so glad to know you had your Dad to be there for you. I am so sorry to hear about your loss. You have great faith!

Amber Omer said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your miscarriage. :( You are so amazing to be and think the way you do. Thank you for your example. You are all in our prayers!