Not Really In The Mood

I know I haven't posted much lately, and part of the reason is that I've been on the road for a while. But another part (and if I'm honest, it's the bigger part) of it is I'm just not in the mood.

I'll try to recap what's happened the last week or so.

I finished packing and getting the house ready for my dad's arrival so we could drive down to Texas and see Nathan and my family. Thank you to everyone who babysat for me so I could do this!

Finally my dad arrived and the day we were set to leave I had a doctor appointment. It didn't go well and we had to delay our drive down. I don't know how to post about it so I'll just spit it out--I miscarried. I had to have surgery the next day. So July 1 we went to the hospital and I had the surgery. About an hour after I woke up we were on the road.

To be honest, it was very hard for me when I found out we'd lost the baby. I spent that day and the next morning in shock and a weird fog. It was really a blessing that my dad was there with me since Nathan obviously couldn't be.

My dad gave me a priesthood blessing before the surgery, which I was grateful for. When I woke up from the surgery it was amazing. I felt so much peace. I hadn't expected that at all. Before the surgery I thought I would be depressed for a very long time. I was upset and confused and just didn't see me being happy again right away. And not that I was really happy, but I did feel happiness. I was able to enjoy the children I have (the nurses let them come in my room after the surgery), I felt amazing peace, and I felt that I could just give it up to the Lord to control. He's in charge and He knows what He's doing.

You may not be aware, but in our Church we believe that before we come to earth, we live in the presence of God as spirits. There are some that believe our spirits enter our bodies at conception; there are some that believe it is at birth; there are some that believe it is somewhere between the two. This was one of the biggest wonders for me. The leaders of our Church have never come right out and stated when it occurs and so everyone just wonders on their own. But when I woke up I realized it didn't matter (and this is perhaps why they have never bothered to make an official declaration on it).

God is in charge and that was all I needed to know.


Now we are in Texas. We got to see Nathan this weekend (YAY!) and spend as much time with him as about 30 hours would allow. I'm thinking on his next day off we will go up to San Antonio again and go to Sea World. That is, if it isn't 105 degrees again. . . .

Now we are back in Friendswood and just hanging out with family, trying to get Emma used to my parents, and trying to stay cool.

We are also getting ready for my brother's birthday, Jeremy's birthday, and my birthday! Jeremy's will of course be the most fun as it's theme is Star Wars.