Monday, April 21, 2008

The Pot Vs. The Red Chair

Announcer #1: "Here in the left corner of the ring we have the long-time champion, "The Pot," coming to us from under the kitchen counter."

"And here in the far right corner of the ring we have the underdog, "The Red Chair," coming to us straight from a local grocery store."
Announcer #2: "We sure have a great fight lined up today folks, let me tell you. For the last year The Pot has been ruling the dinner table as little Jeremy has had no choice but to sit on The Pot during every mealtime. His real chair was broken by Big Sister Megan and was immediately thrown into the trash. When his parents went out to buy him a new chair they could only find plastic chairs with lame girly pictures on them. Absolutely refusing to subject their son to ugly anime animals with overly big eyes on a pink plastic chair, they stooped to sitting him down on an old pot at every meal. At first he questioned The Pot. Why did Big Sister Megan get a cool Princess Chair and he got a cold, metal round thing? But gradually, with time, he came to accept The Pot and even grew attached to it. His parents joked about the "White Trashiness" of The Pot whenever they had guests for dinner, so as to relieve their guilt over the matter."

Announcer #1: "Then one day, as Jeremy's mother was walking into a great sale where she could buy cake mixes and Gatorade for 50 cents, she looked to the right and saw it-a clean, child-sized red chair with no insipid cartoon characters glued onto the seat. It was on sale and she grabbed one, excited she had a chair her son could sit on at mealtimes."

"She brought the chair home, full of anticipation. How will the fight go? Will her son take to the chair? Will The Pot roll over The Red Chair like a rolling pin over soft sugar cookie dough? Or will The Red Chair be the new non-white trash chair Jeremy's parents have been dreaming of?"

"And here we go with the fight . . ."

Announcer #2: "Jeremy's mother places the new chair at the table. . . ."

[Ding.]

The bell sounds for dinner and the children come running to the table, excited for the opportunity to not eat when told to stuff their faces or starve.
They reach the table and Megan sits on her Princess Chair. Jeremy stands, eyes scanning the room looking for The Pot.

Jeremy: "Pot?"
Mother: "You have a new Red Chair, Jeremy. Look, you can eat at the table and sit on a chair."
Jeremy: "Pot!"
Mother: "Look at the chair. Why don't you try it out?"
Jeremy: "No! Pot!"

Announcer #1: Oh, folks, it's getting to be a rather dirty fight here in the living room. What is The Pot going to do to our new contender, The Red Chair? If only this family could actually use their dinner table instead of having to put the computer on it.

Announcer #2: If only this family didn't have to eat at the coffee table for every meal, then maybe the kids would be used to sitting in regular chairs and actually sitting while eating. Maybe the kids would actually eat! Oh what will this mother do now?

Mother: [Hand to her head and breathing deeply] "Jeremy, please sit down. Mom got you a new chair today. This is so you don't have to sit on The Pot anymore. You can have a regular chair like Megan."

Jeremy: "Pot! Pot! Pot!"

[Mother continues to attempt to reason with Jeremy]

Announcer #1: "Now folks, this is an interesting fight today, we are in for a treat. It is important to note that the seat of The Red Chair is higher up than that of The Pot. Will this help or hinder little Jeremy as he eats at the table? That is, if his mother is even able to get him on The Red Chair."

Announcer #2: "Look! The mother is picking up Jeremy and placing him at the table on The Red Chair. How will little Jeremy react?"

Jeremy: "No! No! No! No! Pot!"

Mother: [Sighs and looks over to her husband] "Fine." [Mother turns around toward the kitchen]

Announcer #1: "Oh, look at this folks, the mother is giving up. It looks like she isn't going to last much longer."

Announcer #2: "It looks like you're right. Do you suppose she'll introduce The Red Chair at every meal, or give up the fight now?"

Announcer #1: "I'm hoping she'll continue the fight tomorrow. What she needs to do is really work at getting a new strategy. Maybe tomorrow at breakfast she'll be able to throw a couple quick punches at The Pot and make a clean path for The Red Chair."

Announcer #2: "Let's hope so! I look forward to meeting everyone here again tomorrow for another great fight."

3 comments:

the wilsons said...

Stubborn Kids! I love it. Sure wish I could be that creative. Blake had to give up the booster to Kade. We didn't get a replacement and Blake still needs one. Now he stands on his chair or his legs fall asleep kneeling. Maybe he just needs a good pot. :)

Jess said...

that was the best story i've ever read! good job, kel.. and good luck next time..

Kellie Buckner said...

I'm kind of wondering what we'll do in Cleveland when we actually get to eat at the table. I guess both kids may need booster seats. I don't know since neither of them have ever actually eaten at the dinner table. It will be interesting, that's for sure.