Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Mother's Little Experiment


Do things ever yell at you? I promise I'm not schizophrenic, but things yell at me all the time. I was listening to the radio a few weeks ago and the radio host had a woman on the air who was a relationship expert. She said the dirty dishes and garbage yell at her. They don't yell at her husband, but they yell at her. That was when I realized why my dirty dishes and garbage bug me so much and not my husband--because that's what they've been doing, too. The house chores yell at me, but not Nathan.

How many people function well with inanimate (not to mention voiceless, so you know it's all in your own head) things yelling at them? Then there's the kids, who really do yell--at me and each other.

How do we fix this? Well, I have a plan. Find a text to speech site that offers a free download, or a friend whose voice your husband won't recognize immediately, and record these phrases on a small voice recorder. The link above is a text to speech site. You can download a a great voice (which may cost, but don't you think it would be worth it?) and type in this, or have your friend record it.

"This is your pile of dirty dishes speaking. Wash me NOW!"

Hide the recorder in your kitchen near the sink. When your husband enters the kitchen press play and walk away. When he hears it you have to go about whatever you were doing. DO NOT act like the voice is anything new. Remember, you hear it all the time. You can act surprised that he heard it, but it is something you hear all the time.

See how quickly he gets those dishes sparkling.

The next week, do the same thing, but have the voice (or another friend whose voice your husband won't recognize) record this:

"This is the garbage. I'm full. And I stink. Take me out now! All the way out. To the outside garbage can. Please, I reek."

It might be a good idea to make this voice sound like it's being muffled, you know, because it's in a container, or under a cabinet.

I'm betting he won't take half the time he did getting outside with the garbage as he did getting started on the dishes when they yelled.

Then you can move on to having him clean the toilet and change baby diapers.

9 comments:

janeen said...

I love the idea. My dishes yell at me all the time and so does the stove telling me to make dinner, I hate it!

Cathy Witbeck said...

I'm thinking my husband hears what he wants to hear. Besides, my four teenagers would find it, and put it to some diabolicle use, say ask someone out on a date with it. Sigh.

Kim said...

Love it!!

Raspberry said...

Seriously.

Janelle said...

That's hilarious. I only wish I could set it so that it was motion-activated. Like when my husband walks by the trashcan, it automatically goes off. If I could rig that up, I'd totally be all over this.

Leanne said...

I think Danny would know it was me. He and his office mates have been using a thing called an evilatron, yeah, and basically it whispers things randomly and beeps and such at will. I'd be caught. I'll just yell at him instead. :)

Colin & Lori said...

So glad to hear that your husband(s) don't hear the screaming either. I mean really, how could they not hear it? It's not like I don't hear the bank account screaming that it is almost empty when he goes off to work every day. Well, not every day but you get what I mean, right?

Jenny said...

Well put! Now if I could just make the litter box talk...or maybe the cats...

JerieH said...

Oh gosh! I love it. We (Lilly and I) were stuck in pheonix, in the hospital for a whole week. I am feeling soooo behind! Kurt was so proud that he did 5 loads of laundry while I was gone and the toys were picked up. I wanted to say "Big deal! I do 10ish loads a week and pick up all the toys twice a day! So take that Mr. Mom!"