I kind of avoided writing about Father's Day. I knew I wouldn't make it through the post without crying. And while I know I'm going to cry and the tears have already started, I feel bad that I haven't written about Nathan or my dad.
Both are amazing men and I need to tell them just how much they mean to me. This is a difficult thing to express though, because each day I learn that they mean more to me than I knew.
Nathan works so hard for us. He is a terrific father and husband. He plays with the kids, playing all the games I'm not up for--wrestling, "pile on the bunny," underdogs. . . .
He is doing dental school because dentistry is a great family career. He doesn't have to work every day from 9 to 5 once his practice is really going.
He goes without so his family can have.
He is putting himself through the hell of officer training. (Today I found out he has to be exposed to tear gas, thank goodness it isn't anything worse. I also found out that one of the new enlisted guys died during the physical training test. Scary.)
As I watch him with our kids it makes me happy. He loves them and is so good with them. He keeps me not just sane, but helps me keep my temper more level.
Every day he is gone I realize just how much I depend upon him to feel safe and happy. The kids can feel his absence and really miss him, too. Today, Emma started jabbering and saying, "Dada. Dada. Dada."
Nathan is the keeper of the fun. He is the one that knows how to have fun and spearheads it. It's always his idea to go mini golfing or bowling, or camping. Nathan is the one to plan our great family vacations and when I see the work he puts into just planning the vacation, I get tired.
Nathan, you are the best and I love you! I'm sorry your Father's Day was spent so far from us. We miss you.
There is so much more I could say, but the words aren't coming. Right now they are still all emotions. But I love you much.
Dad. I can't think of a time when you weren't there for me when I needed you. Not ever. I can't think of a time when you haven't been there for any of us kids or mom. I watch you with us and stand amazed at your ability to love, your patience with us crazy people, and the wonderful job you do in taking care of us. There have been so many times in my life that I can think of--little and big--that show me the love you have for us.
You've always supported us in so many ways: taking on extra jobs like the newspaper route that killed your good sleep habits, the drivers education job that easily could have killed you, all the coaching positions, both in schools and neighborhood teams, the list could go on for a while. None of these things were easy and at the time, I had no idea.
I remember going on the paper route with you and thinking it was the coolest thing ever. I remember feeling so special that you would let me go with you and help. Now I feel special that you got up at 2 AM over and over to wrap papers and deliver them, just so we could go to college and have family vacations.
These are things you are still doing for your family. You flew with me to Ricks and USU. You and mom flew to Utah so I wouldn't have to travel alone with the kids while Nathan and his dad drove the moving van. You are doing it again in just a few days so that once again, I don't have to be alone as I travel with the kids all the way to Texas.
Then there are the other things that I still remember: A Beatles Anthology CD set I found on my bed-for no reason at all. No note, nothing. But I knew it was from you. A cheap ticket to the Dallas airport so I could see Janeen off as she left for her mission. You did everything you could to get me (financially) into USU. You've always supported me when I was too scared to tryout for something, helping me to believe in myself and my abilities.
You are a great example to me, Laurie, and Daniel. We are lucky to be your kids. Thank you for being our dad.