Revelations and Motherhood

This post is mostly for me, so I can remember how I am feeling right now. It's not meant as a Toot My Own Horn post by any means. I just need to get what I've learned down so I can remember why I'm doing this.


Every single night I pray. During the day I pray a lot, too. The night prayers always include and the daytime prayers are usually entirely me asking for help with the kids.Specifically Emma and Jeremy. Megan, I pray for, but not with the same urgency and tears. She's my "Good Child" although she has her moments. Emma and Jeremy are the ones that keep me on my toes and frustrate me constantly. Especially Emma.

I pray all the time for God to bless me with some amazing piece of advice or knowledge, to bless me with some wisdom, that will open my eyes and help me understand my children and know how to get through to them. That He will bless me with patience, a more gentle voice, understanding, etc.

It never happens.

I might come across a scripture that helps me for a day, or a week even, before I'm back to being tired, frustrated, and still feeling confused and hopeless.

Sunday as we were on our way to Church we were stopped at the intersection right by our house and as I stared at the red light, waiting for it to change, I thought about revelations. God doesn't grant us new revelations like He did so long ago because we aren't all doing much with what He's already given us. This is something I've heard since primary, that was reiterated in my youth, and have been reminded of probably once or twice a year in Sunday School. It's something I've thought of on my own sometimes.

I realized, while waiting for the light to turn green, that I'm not consistent with a family scripture study routine, we don't have family prayer every day, or even every week for that matter. We are ok with Family Home Evening every week, but there's definitely room for improvement.  At Church, we are told these are three of the biggest things we can do to help our families. And I know that, but we haven't been doing them like we should.

If I'm not making these a priority, why should God bother giving me new revelations, more help? Sunday night we had a family meeting and I shared my thoughts with the family. We are all committed to doing better now. We're waking up with Nathan before he goes to school and reading a chapter from The Book of Mormon, then having family prayer. Mornings and I aren't friends, but if we put it off til after dinner, it won't happen because we'll be too anxious to put the kids to bed and we'll be crazy with getting lunches and clothes ready for school the next day.

Today is only Tuesday, but we're determined. Yesterday and today have been better. For instance, Emma has told Nathan and me (separately) that she wants to be more obedient and we can see that she is actually trying. There has been just as much bickering and fighting between the older three, but it's been smaller scale. The kids have actually cleaned up their toys.If we feel instances of extreme frustration, so far it's only been at night when we've gone through the whole day relatively without raised voices.

I'm so grateful for personal revelation. Even if it's something I already knew and wasn't paying attention to. I really feel like this is something that is going to make a huge difference in our family.

Mothering Internships

I think motherhood should require an internship. For the sanity of the mother and the safety of her future children it should be a requirement before a woman becomes pregnant. And why not? The democrats are already on their way to making life how it is in Lois Lowery's The Giver, so they should be able to manage a motherhood internship soon.

There are internships for most other jobs/careers, or at least a learning period where someone takes you by the hand and shows you what your job entails. Before you teach, you student teach. Before you are left on the sales floor, you shadow someone. Before you get your own medical practice you work with other doctors, learning at their side what the daily grind will be like.

Why wasn't I offered an motherhood internship? I babysat a lot as a preteen and teenager and even did what I would almost consider being a nanny one summer since I was there from sun up past sun down and was expected to teach them Japanese (a language I don't even speak). But still, watching someone's kid for a couple hours, or watching a movie in their house while their kids sleep, or even carting their kids around for a few days a week one summer doesn't compare to actually taking care of with children 24/7 for years.

Maybe we could go with some kind of simulation, like with those video games that make you feel like you're actually in the game. We could create a simulator that makes you feel like you're so tired you could collapse, but have to make oatmeal for three kids who don't want it, get it on their school clothes, and then all over the table, chairs, and floor. Then there could be another one where you are in a relay race to get the kids to school, dance lessons, swimming lessons, and back home in time to make dinner with only two-thirds of the ingredients you need. Is it possible for the simulation to start off making you feel like you've gone through five years of sleep deprivation? I think it should. It would make the whole thing more realistic.

Is it possible to simulate love?

I doubt it. Not love like this.

Jeoparody Post Winners!

It was really hard picking the two winners from the Motherhood Jeopardy post. There was lots of encouragement and so many good answers. Whether I could use them, will use them, have already been using them, or won't be using them, I appreciate them. And a special thank you to everyone who said I should hunker down and write. It made me smile and breathe a bit easier.

I love being told to go off and write. I need to be told it more often.


The two winners I picked are . . . . . .

Kristine, because she has a sense of humor when it comes to motherhood and can joke about straitjackets and muzzles. In my opinion, mothers who absolutely cannot joke about those two items are hiding their frustrations and lying.

And . . . . . . .

First time commenter Juggling Motherhood because she gave a great tip I hope to use. I loved her idea of creating a fort for the kids to play in while I cook dinner. I'm not the best fort builder, but I am willing to improve my skills.

Thank you and be sure to email me at ksbimagine at yahoo.com with your address so I can mail you some candy that I won't let my kids eat, but will stuff into my face as soon as their little backs are turned and out of chocolate-smelling range.

Jeoparody! The Motherhood Version

Ever hear the phrase, life is a test? If you're LDS (Mormon for the rest of you), I know you have so raise your hand. Anyone else?

Today I have come to the conclusion that some aspects of life test harder than others. For example, motherhood* (do yourself a favor and see the fine print at bottom for a warning if you have begun feeling uppity or concerned for me).

It is the test that never ends.

Question One-Wake Up Time: How do you handle one overly happy child (you not being a morning person cannot understand her chipperness), one extremely grumpy child (while you identify with said grumpy child, his grumpiness still bugs you, because hey, you're grumpy), and one child you know will have either oatmeal or cereal in her hair in five minutes.

Question Two-School Time: How do you handle a child who won't let go of your leg when you drop him off at school?

Question Three-At Home: What do you do with the other two now? They want to color on your nice, painted walls and new couch, paint pictures on the dining room table, and eat candy at 8:45 AM. How do you handle this?

Question Four-Temper Rising: Youngest child has emptied your purse for the fifth time this morning (it's only 10AM) and you are running out of hiding places for it. She's eaten 53 cents and scattered the few dollar bills you were planning on using as your tithing. Oldest child is pretending she knows how to whistle and is actually shrieking at the top of her lungs. What is your answer?

Question Five-Lunch Time: Grumpy child is home from school and you have 20 minutes to feed all your children lunch before getting Oldest child to school. Youngest daughter wants to wear the peanut butter and jelly, Oldest child wants to talk instead of eat, and Grumpy child wants to pout. What is your answer?

Question Six-Sleep: Youngest child refuses to take naps now, but still desperately needs them. What do you do?

Question Seven-Repetition: Grumpy child is finally happy. Because he's throwing a ball in the house. He is told every day not to throw anything in the house. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. How do you handle this?

Question Eight-Dinner Hour: All three children are home now. You must now entertain, watch over, keep them clean, the house clean, and make dinner on time so that bed time can finally come. How do you juggle everything?

Question Nine-Bedtime: Youngest child arches her back, screams, and cries because she doesn't want to go to bed. In the same room, Grumpy child who eventually became happy is grumpy again because he doesn't want to go to bed. Small reprieve with Oldest child who has a 90% chance of going to sleep on her own. You put Youngest child in her bed when she calms down. She gets out. You put her back. She gets out. You have been told and have read that if you just keep putting her back and letting her cry she will eventually figure it out and learn to fall asleep in her bed on her own. This is a lie and you must find some other method. What will you do? Curve ball: Grumpy child shares a room with Youngest child and refuses to lay still or be quiet. How do you handle this situation while getting Youngest child to sleep?

Question Ten-Bonus Points: Once they are actually asleep for the night, what do you do?

A) the dishes, laundry, and any other chores that didn't get done during the day
B) craft or sew-not something for you, but for one of your children
C) watch TV/read/relax
D) do something for yourself
E) eat the candy you didn't allow them to eat at 10AM


Leave me your answers to any two questions, I'll pick my favorite answers and send you a prize. Seriously, I will. How about a package containing my favorite candy that I only eat when my kids are in bed? Or eat when they are at least not looking because I can't always wait until after 10AM.



*If you are one of those people that can't stand my posts where I talk about how hard motherhood can be, either read somewhere else today or try to understand that I LOVE MY KIDS AND AM GRATEFUL TO BE A MOM, but I also need to vent and complain sometimes about how motherhood is hard and demanding. That's part of having a blog about family life. Please don't worry about me, like you did in the past, over whether or not I'm "ok." I'M FINE. And the mere fact that I'm able to write this and that I'm trying to make it funny (whether I succeeded or not is irrelevant) shows that I'm normal, that I love my kids, and that I'm fine.

Motherhood = Hurling

Motherhood is like a wild, wicked roller coaster . . . and right now, I want to hurl.

Motherhood

If you are a mom, will be a mom, want to be a mom, or even just like children, go here: The Misplaced Americans

Poor Mom, Poor Mom, Whacha Gonna Do? Whacha Gonna Do When They Pitty You?

I'm an out and about kinda girl. My pregnancy with Emma was probably my easiest one of the three (minus the kidney stone) and so I was always going out with the kids, running errands, and stretching myself too thin with extracurricular activities--like running the ward's book club, offering to have cooking club at my apartment two weeks before giving birth and two weeks after, etc.

Every time I went out with Megan and Jeremy I noticed a strange trend. Everyone who saw me, especially strangers, would come up to me, put one hand on my shoulder and say, "You're gonna have your hands full!"

Duh!!

Can you say something helpful please? Let's not state the annoyingly obvious.

And since when did having three kids become such a big deal in Utah? Is it because I only look ten years older than my oldest daughter that everyone gives me a pitying look as I walk through the grocery store? Oh my gosh! I just thought of something! They probably think I'm like, 17 years old and got pregnant out of wedlock. I mean, while I was prego with Emma my wedding ring didn't fit, so I couldn't wear it. All of Logan, Utah thinks I'm a Whore! Crap!

What's a girl to do when the entire city thinks she's a whore? Seriously, give me suggestions!

Well, now that Emma's been born and has been around for almost 4 months now, every time I go out people still look at me with curiosity, wonder, and pity. I often have people come up to me in stores, the mall, at the park, or even at Church and they do the shoulder thing again (pat, pat, pat), this time with a huge smile to accompany it, "You sure do have your hands full!" I smile and say, "Yep!" I try to look at myself from their point of view.

Wow. She looks tired. She's carrying a brand new baby in a Snugli and feeding her, has a toddler hanging on her left leg who wants to be held and a little girl pulling on her arm repetitively asking for a Little Pony movie. Her diaper bag fell off her shoulder and is hanging in the crook of her arm, half her hair is out of it's ponytail because her little boy pulled it out while squealing, "Fluffy! Fluffy!" Boy does she have her hands full. I should go tell her; she probably doesn't know.

Are you serious people?!? You really think I don't know my hands are full? But still, this cracks me up that it's such a big deal in Utah. Here in Cleveland I'm not as surprised by people's reactions, but still, it's amazing how many people notice me and my kids even when they are behaving perfectly and then feel the need to come talk to me. And they all say the same thing! Come on! Be an individual! Get creative! How about . . . oh, I don't know, you guys come up with something better and let me know. I can't think after midnight.

Now, you know I took up that babysitting job to pay my way to the LDSStorymakers conference next spring. Well, last week I took my kids and the two I sit down to the park. It's a five minute walk, so not far at all. I put Emma in the Snugli, Jeremy in the front of the double stroller, babysitting kid #1 in his carseat (he was asleep) and put the carseat in the back of the double stroller, and then had Megan and babysitting kid #2 hold hands and walk next to me.

We got to the park and we were the first ones there as it had just opened. It quickly became busy though as other mothers, and a lot of grandmothers this particular day, came with their kids (or grandkids as the situation allowed). Within the first hour all but the one dad at the park and one mom had come up to me to convey their condolences for my apparently difficult situation: watching three kids have fun at the park while Emma slept in the Snugli and babysitting kid #1 slept in the stroller or looked up into the sky, enjoying the nice breeze and never making a peep.

Yes. I had five kids with me all under the age of four. Yes, two of them were under 5 months old. Yes, three wear diapers. Yes, one of them sounds like a squealing pig when he cries, but he's not doing that right now, is he?

Every single person in that park (expect the one mom and the one dad) came up to me and said the same thing, once again. But this time they didn't inform me on the state of my hands. This time it was more of a prayer in my behalf. "God bless you!"

Yes, they asked God to bless me for being such a saint. Two ladies even added, "You look so young!" Well, yes, you see I made a mistake when I was 15, but I'm owning up to it and . . . . No! I'm not in my teens people! I'm almost a thirty something.

Since I'm being blessed now, do you think I could get the Catholics to hold a Mass for me? Do they hold Masses for people who are alive, or are they for dead people? You know, I should know this. . . . It's bugging me that I don't. Mom, do you remember? The last time I went to Mass I was like, 3 or 4. I guess that's what I get for not being Catholic.

Anyway, now I decided to count how many times a day (non-babysitting days) I'm told I have my hands full and how many times a day I am wished (babysitting days) for God to bless me. I think it will be fun to see the results. I've done it before on really busy days where I get to cover a lot of ground. Grocery store, bank, mall, fast food, campus, doctor office. Those there should easily put the score up to 10. One day when I was shopping for Nathan's birthday presents the count got to 7. Let's see if I can break the record this week!

So all of you moms out there and future moms, just be prepared, when you have five kids, you no longer get the happy, but pitying smile with the quirky, "You've got your hands full!" You become upgraded to the raised eyebrows, followed by the scrunched up eyebrows, the tiniest of head shakes, and the almost hopeless, "God bless you." Have your comeback ready. Try something like this:

Yes, my hands are full. My hands are overflowing with blessings. My little baby is so sweet. I love looking at her happy smiles every morning when she sees me come into her room and stand near her crib. It makes my whole day and I can't help but feel happy, too. My older daughter is the funniest little creature in the world, always making up funny stories about mixed fruit marriages ending with one of them getting eaten. I love dancing with her to "oldies" like Cake's The Distance or real oldies like The Beatles' Help!. My little boy is just the cutest thing--ever. He has this thing he does and we call it "Jeremy's New Dance". It isn't really new anymore because he's been doing it for months now, but it is hilarious, let me show you. Oh, see how much he loves his sisters? They hug and kiss all the time. Yeah, sometimes he's a little too rough, but usually it's just because he loves Emma so much. Want to know something that's really cute? Megan and Jeremy like to press our apartment's elevator buttons together. When they do, they always cry out, "We did it together!" and sometimes they start singing the Dora the Explorer song, "We Did It" and try to speak Spanish like her. It makes me smile every time. Yes, I do have my hands full--of blessings. Thank you for noticing.