WARNING: This post contains much whining and griping and gnashing of teeth. If you can't handle it, get off the blog.
Thank you to those who offered advice and understanding to my Love vs. Respect post. Things haven't really improved yet since we're in the middle of a move and are staying with my parents. The kids get away with everything here. My parents give them candy and soda ten minutes before bedtime and don't think anything of it until they see the incredulous look on my face. My parents didn't do that kind of stuff when I was a kid.
I've noticed that everyone who doesn't have kids at home, or who doesn't spend all day with their kids (*cough* dads *cough*) don't really understand what mothers with small children go through.
These people tell me to calm down, chill out. They tell me that whatever hell my kids are raising, it isn't a big deal. Then I notice when they spend ten minutes with my kids, and I refuse to step in and help so they have to actually deal with the kids themselves, they go bezerk just as much as I do. Of course then they either don't notice their behavior or the kids all of a sudden are little hellions and their frustration toward the kids is justified.
Everyone knows how to parent until they have to do it. Everyone knows exactly what tactics to use until they try them and find they don't work any better than what the mom was doing.
How do you think the mom feels? Completely lost, maybe? Babysitters, grandparents, and even fathers spend so little time with the kids that there is no way for them to possibly understand how a mom feels. Even giving mom a day out and having a grandparent or the dad watch the kids all day doesn't get the message out. Know why? Because the dad and the grandparent know that in a matter of hours things will go back to normal. The mom will come home, take the kids, and then they can go back to their nice normal lives with other adults who can speak in complete sentances, have brains capable of reasoning, and can wipe their own bottoms.
Even though I know it will do no good to write this, especially since most of my readers are mothers who feel the same way I do, I will attempt to convey how I feel about motherhood at present. Don't get me wrong. I love my kids and I like being a mom. I don't think I can say I love being a mom today-rough day. Maybe tomorrow.
I said it above. Lost. As a mother I feel competely lost. I'm in a strange city, with weird people who can't seem to tell me how to get back to the highway. I don't have a map and the strange city's convenience store threw their stock of maps away years ago. Every street I try is a dead end with people yelling at me to turn around and try a street that I can't find because there's no grid system. The roads Patience Court and Gentle Way are under construction and impossible to get to at the moment.
When I'm driving and can't find my destination, I tend to cry.
I feel like I'm doing all three right now. I'm out of ideas and I'm out of patience. I'm tired of trying to find the missing streets that don't exist. I'm tired of being pointed at by everyone without young children and those who don't spend a significant amount of time with their own to know how I feel. I'm tired of seeing moms pretend life is perfect, or near to it, and then feeling like I have to live up to that and compete for my own children's affections, respect, and good behavior. I'm tired of people telling me I can compete and need to (though not in those words, of course). I love my kids and of course I want their love, affection, respect, and good behavior, but I don't know what to do anymore.
I've come to the conclusion that no one knows what they are doing. I'd like to say more on that, but I think it is a bit harsh so I erased it.
I'm not really looking for answers or help, as my erased part would tell you if I hadn't erased it. I'm just venting because I'm tired of being told what to do by people who don't understand.