Monday, January 12, 2009

Forgive Me Son, For I Have Sinned . . .

I have a good friend who does Motherhood Confessions on her blog. (I'd link you to her, but she's private.) They are things that she feels a little guilty over, but are small and aren't things she really needs to change. For example, her most recent one was at night when her baby needs to be nursed she just doesn't want to get up because, hey, nursing hurts and she's tired! What mom bounces out of bed at 3 A.M. excited to feed their baby? I don't know any.

Anyway. I've been bouncing around the idea of sharing with you, my lucky friends, my big and most recent motherhood confession. Unlike my friend's confessions, mine is something I really should not make a habit of. Or really ever do again.

Some of you may already know it if you've talked to me at all in the last month. But since most of you lovely people live far away from me or are people I don't get to see that often, the chance of you knowing my terrible, dark motherhood confession isn't really that likely.

If you have already heard it, here's another chance for you to glory in your own motherhood and the fact that you've probably at least never done this. . . .

We were at a nice get together with some friends when Jeremy told me he needed to go pee. I took him to their bathroom and put him on the potty. Apparently his bladder was so full he couldn't wait to be properly aligned with the inside of the toilet and as he sat there he started to pee. Right on me.

Without thinking I grabbed his poor little boy head and shoved it down into the stream. And here's what's really bad. Even after I realized what I'd done, I didn't move his head until he was done peeing.

When he was finished I moved my hand and let him look up at me, pee dripping down his forehead. (I feel so awful! But I'm still trying not to laugh out loud as I write this. . . .) He didn't seem to notice just how gross the situation was or really care that I made him pee on his head. I cleaned him up as best I could and cleaned up the bathroom floor and my shirt. Then I sent him on his way to play with the other kids.

Don't judge me too harshly. I freak out if I get pen, marker, food, or really anything other than water on my skin. I can't stand hand stamps (yeah, those re-entry hand stamps at theme parks drive me insane). There's no way I could've handled pee. No way.


Anonymous said...

I wouldn't have been able to react that fast. I would of just stood there. Hey hopefully next time he will aim better.

janeen said...

that is so funny.. I'm not sure I would have thought that up so quickly! I can't wait for some more confessions!

Kellie said...

Wow! I just got my first hate comment! Sweet! I of course chose to erase it because it's my blog and I can. Also, why would I want such a downer thing on my blog?
I've always wondered what it would be like to tick someone off on blogville. Of course I always wanted to do it with my other blog, not this one. You know, the one I don't do much with anymore.
I wonder if I know the person. . . . Hm, probably not. I think most of the people I know (in person and on the web) would tell me to my face (via comments with their actual name) how horrible I am for doing this.
There is more to the story of this post that gives a very good reason as to why I did it and why I couldn't stop myself. It is personal, which is why I didn't include it, but just in case my new hater-friend decides to check back on me I'll put it here. I suffer from OCD. I have cleanliness issues. A little bit of pee would be like you, my dear hater-friend, taking a bath in manure. Do you still feel washable now?
Yes, I feel bad for doing it. Yes, I feel bad that I couldn't stop myself. Would I do it again? No. I am currently working with him on standing, not sitting, when he pees. I had him sit that time because I thought he'd poop, too. Did I apologize to him? Duh. Of course I did. Did I give him lots of hugs and kisses? Yes. Did he kind of think it was funny? You bet.

Leanne said...

I think it's hilarious! I have boys too, (two of them,remember?) and they do all kinds of icky boy things with pee...I seriously wouldn't have been able to act that fast...Kellie and her cat-like reflexes. meow!

Kellie said...

Wow. This anonymous person really hates me. I just had to remove her exact same comment again. I think I've explained myself enough and have had to change my comments settings. Kind of annoying since I've always welcomed comments from people I don't know, including anonymous users. I guess not anymore. If you want to tell me that I suck, please give me your name and blog so I can return the favor. If you don't like my blog, stop coming by.

Jami said...

And he didn't get you at all? That is astounding. Not something you'd think up ahead of time, but once you've already got the stream deflected, why let two of you get soaked? (I hope anonymous doesn't hate me now.)