Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Dear Anonymous,

I feel I must apologize to you. I didn't realize you are the World's Best Mom. Should I be buying you a coffee mug? Send me your address and I'll get that to you right away.

Had I known that you have never lost your temper or found your children exasperating I would never have deleted your comments. Twice.

I fail to understand why, if you think so little of me, you continue to visit my blog. From what I've been able to ascertain, you could possibly be somewhere in Utah. Is that correct? If so, then I think I'm safe to assume that you are LDS, especially since you've checked out the MormonMommyblogs site and possibly have one there, which is why you chose to post your comments anonymously. Since you're LDS, don'tcha think you should send the sister missionaries over to me a.s.a.p.? I mean, they know about all that righteous stuff, right? Maybe they could help me be more like you.

I just want to thank you for your self righteous advice.

I know that because of you and your humble admonitions of my behavior to my son (even despite my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, a real case of it and not a case of, "Oh yeah, me to. I don't like to be dirty," but a case of it where it actually affects my day to day life and has made my personal life and relationships extremely difficult. Thank you so much for being so much of a jerk that I get to bring this out in the open for all my family and friends who didn't know this about me before to read and go, "Oh! Her weird actions make so much more sense now!" I know now that all the fun and good things I do with and for my children now mean nothing. How foolish of me for even trying. I could never be as good as you.

I have now learned humility. Thank you for teaching me that invaluable lesson. I will never forget you. Ever.

Thank you for showing me that I should compare myself to mothers like you. (Is there even another mother as good as you? I can't imagine the possibility.) Mothers who apparently know everything (with love and patience), can do everything (with love and patience), can handle anything (with love and patience), and would never, ever shove their own perfections in the faces of others who are not as equally blessed.

You know, I thought Elder Ballard had it right when he said, "There is no one perfect way to be a good mother. Each situation is unique. Each mother has different challenges, different skills and abilities, and certainly different children."

But you've shown me just how wrong he is. Could you point me in the direction of your blog so I can become a better mom? I plan on modeling myself after you. I'll dress my kids just like yours and feed them exactly what you feed your kids every day. Maybe I'll even get out of my pajamas today. Could you email me a list of your family rules. Suddenly the ones we made at Family Home Evening a couple weeks ago seem irrelevant and unimportant.

Quick question: Should I go through a depression period and eat a ton of Girl Scout Thin Mint ice cream? Or should I immediately pretend I'm you--the World's Best Mom (still working on that coffee mug for you).


Oh, sorry. I took a break to have a tickle hug and kiss-fest with my daughter. I'm back now.

Another question: What do I do about the OCD? I mean, you obviously have all the answers, right? So what do I do about it? I've been to a councilor to help me work through it, and you really should see the progress I've made. I mean, when I'm making chocolate chip cookies, I don't have to wash my hands between placing each cookie on the baking sheet anymore. Also, I can use baby wipes without grimacing. Each time I grab for one I still feel a little sick from the smell and how it feels in my hand and on my fingers, but I'm able to keep my disgust of the wipe itself off my face. I'm afraid I still can't handle pen ink, though. I will admit my weakness there. I will cry if I get pen ink on my skin and can't get it off. And I do feel bad when my daughter wants to stamp my hand with her Fancy Nancy stamp and I change the subject because I know I'll freak out when I feel the wet ink touch me. I also feel bad when I "borrow" the stamp and put it up on the microwave and let her forget about it for a while. But you know, I am getting better. I can do some crafts that are kind of messy now. For example, I (get this, I) offered to let them play with finger paint one day. I set them up in the kitchen and laid out paper grocery bags. I cut holes in huge garbage bags to make smocks and let them have at it. I was very proud of myself for taking such a huge step. Perhaps that wasn't as big of a step as I thought?

Oh, excuse me again. My daughter wants my help. She's making a present for her little brother.

Ok. The gift is finished so I'm back.

Well, I guess there's not much left to say except: Please let me know how I can be just like you. Unless of course it includes unjustly insulting people, not bothering to look at the whole picture (and I don't mean just the OCD stuff, but the rest of my blog as well), bothering to post the same rude comment twice in hopes that people will read it before I get to erasing it, putting yourself above others so you can feel good about yourself, etc. Because if that's what I'd have to do to be like you, I think I'd rather just work on becoming the best mom I can be and not worrying about what you think of me.

P.S. I couldn't wait for your advice and I already started digging into the Girl Scout Thin Mint ice cream. But it wasn't in a depression. It was just because it's good and to celebrate the fact that it isn't noon yet.


Janelle said...

I think you should have left the comment(s) up so we could all laugh at your anonymous commenter. I like reading comments from people who get self-righteously worked up over people and situations over which they have no influence whatsoever.

Anonymous said...

Oh man some people. There are times when I see the internet and all its social networking capabilities as the burden it is because all the "crazies" get to have a voice when they should have that privilege taken away from them because of the many cases of them abusing it! You rock and no one can EVER fault you for being a bad mother. I have seen firsthand from watching your kids to watching you with them and there is no doubt that they are loved and in return love you and that is the truest sign if the children honestly love you back. So believe those of us who actually love you, and we will laugh later at those misguided people who don’t.

Ry and Kris Jones said...


Kim said...

Good for you Kellie for calling her out like that. I have real issues with people who are so self-righteous. It took a lot of guts for you to to share what happened, and you shouldn't have to be criticized for it on your own blog. Every single one of us has done stuff that we are not proud of as parents, and anyone who says they haven't is lying. Also, for what its worth - I thought they story was funny, and since Jeremy did too, that's all that really matters. I'd be willing to bet that "Anonymous" doesn't have boys, and if she does, they aren't like any boys I've ever met.

Kristine said...

Somehow I missed your orginal post and so I just went back and read it. I can't believe someone cares to make a big deal about the whole situation. We all do things (OCD or not) in the spur of the moment that we look back and realize may not have been the greatest thing but nonetheless they were what they were. It doesn't seem like Jeremy was affected horribly by this situation. Knowing boys he probably loved peeing on his face.
Good job sticking up for yourself.

Anonymous said...

Having never had a boy, I would NEVER presume to pass on advice on What I Would Do In This Situation. The evil commenter wasn't me, and yet I feel like I should apologize for her (or him?). The hard part about browsing through the MMB is that you want to feel like you have an instant connection with these 600+ people because you are, in fact, connected through the Mormon Mommy Blog site. However, we sometimes have to remember that more often than not, we are, in fact, total strangers and we should probably wait until we get to know the person whose blog we're commenting on before we attempt anything so personal as to give advice, constructive or destructive.

But why would ever .. EVER... leave destructive comments? What is the point? Maybe that person was having a bad day, and like a bully, they had to put someone else down in order to think they were really bringing themselves up.

Whatever. Sorry for the tirade, but I always root for the underdog, and good for you for standing up for yourself. That nasty commenter just needs to take a nap!(I have a whole theory about that!)

trublubyu said...

seriously? someone left insults on your blog anonomously? so sorry. that is so not cool.

from what i know of you and your blog- you are a wonderfully caring mother. don't let others' judgments ruin your day.

Annie Valentine said...

I think I need you to write my RS President a letter for me. Feel free to sign my name.

BTW, have you played St. Petersburg? We're big gamers as well, it's our new favorite (we go to the Geek Store to learn new games on date night).

Love meeting you.

Adam said...

You are awesome, Kellie. I love your posts and think you are a great mom, despite what anonymous people think.

Carissa Poyfair said...

If that last comment posted from "adam" it was actually me, not Adam. If it posted as me, well, then it was me :)

the wilsons said...

First off, your child bends far enough to get his forehead yet. Wish my boys could do that. But guess I don't have to try that since it doesn't work. Thanks for experimenting. I think we women tend to compare our weaknesses with other's strengths. And vice versa. It either makes us feel like we're not that bad, or that we really suck. But thinking those thoughts versus actually posting them and not putting your name on it - that's just plain low. If you ever find out who it is, let me know so I can "learn" how to be a perfect mother too. :)

Emily said...

One of my friends (and the mom of one of Amelia's friends) gave me a late Christmas gift yesterday for Andrew that I know you'd appreciate: A little t-shirt that says "My mom doesn't want your advice." How awesome is that??? I don't know if I actually have the guts to put it on him on the outside in public, but I'd definitely put it under a shirt and know it was there. And shame on anyone who won't own up to her opinions; she must not be that convicted about them if she's not willing to stand up for herself.

Kellie said...

I want to thank everyone for their great support and love. I'll probably do an official post telling you so, but I wanted to do it here, too. And Emily, I think I'm going to make all three of my kids a shirt like yours!

Jami said...

It's crazy how some people think that if they make other people feel bad that they will feel better about themselves. "I'll tell her she's a loser and I'll feel like a winner." There's some logic for you.

Jami said...

Additionally, Thin Mints in all of their many forms are glorious.

Kristin said...

So I don't even know you and I love you! I just stumbled across your blog from my cousin Kristy's (hope you don't mind) and something sparked my interest and couldn't stop reading. Thank you for being up front with those that don't understand what many have to go through. I don't know your whole story but I admire you for your efforts.

Melanie said...

Hey Kellie, I hope you don't mind my commenting on your blog. Thanks for adding me on Facebook, by the way!
Anyway, I think your post is great and like everyone else said, we all do things we don't like and regret later as parents. Geesh, I've had too many of those moments to count.
As far as the pee thing - I just read the blog of a woman I used to babysit for over 12 years ago. Her little boy is 15 now. She wrote a post about how her husband dared their son to pee on his own shirt and wrap it around his own head for $20. Of course, he did. So, even if you hadn't had that experience, he probably would have been peeing on his head voluntarily in a few years because, well, he's a boy!!. :)

Colin -N- Lori said...

I want that shirt for all of my kids!!! "My Mom doesn't want your advice!" I would certainly have my kids wear them!! Kelly, thanks for sharing your OCD confession. From experience one should NEVER judge anothers situation until they have walked a mile or 10 in anothers shoes. I don't think that made sense but you know what I mean right? I once judged a friend with depression and couldn't figure out why she just couldn't be happy with life. Then after Jack I suffered for a year before my sister helped me realize what was going on with me. I still suffer but thanks to modern medicine I can feel better. Sarah Stelter told me, after I had told her about my depression, about someone who said that taking medication for diabetes is the same as taking medication for depression. Your body doesn't work like it should and thankfully there is something that can be done about it. Now, where can I get some of that thin mint ice cream?