Thursday, October 30, 2008

And It's True.

This is basically the same post I did at my blog, but I wanted to share it here, too.

Yesterday I was at Joann’s Craft Store and when it was time to leave Megan and Jeremy decided they were cranky. I was trying to round them up and take Emma’s car seat off the cart at the same time another customer was walking over to put her cart away. Megan and Jeremy were turning circles, rotating directly in her path. I calmly asked them to rotate my way so she could put her cart away, but they were slow to listen. Emma's car seat wasn’t coming off the cart easily and I was beginning to get frustrated. The customer approached and asked my kids to move, which kind of freaked them out because all of a sudden there was this strange lady in front of them with a huge cart in their little faces. They did finally move, but I could see in the woman’s face she was sizing me up as a mother. She either thought, “Oh, that poor young mother doesn’t have a clue what she’s doing. I can’t believe she has three.” (Because apparently in this part of the country, having three kids means you’re something akin to a rabbit.) Or she was thinking, “Ugh. This stupid young mom that can’t control her own kids. Now I have to step in and help her because there’s no way she’s going to make it to her car with a truckload of children.”

Either way, she felt compelled to walk me and the kids out, all the while looking disdainfully at me because my baby had no socks on her feet (she had a thick blanket and a heavy coat covering her though) and cautioning my children to look both ways before they stepped into the parking lot. My children already know this. I’ve trained them to be so fearful of cars that every time we go down to the underground parking for our building, Jeremy peeks out the basement door, checks to see if it’s all clear, then runs to our car as fast as he can while crying out, “I’m scared of car!” or “Don’t wanna be smashed!” My children know to look both ways and just because they weren’t using their ears in the store because they were too busy spinning, doesn’t mean they needed a lecture from a complete stranger.

For a split second after this happened I felt like a bad mom. Ems didn’t have socks on. I needed to explain why she didn’t have socks on: we ran out of the apartment in a hurry. Instead of having my kids hold on to the car seat or my shirt like I usually do, I had them hold hands with each other and hold my free hand (it was quite the spectacle, I’m sure). The guilt didn’t last long, but the frustration and anger I felt for the woman who felt the need to judge me did. And I guess I’m discovering as I write this, that some of the frustration and anger is still around.

But the point is, when we got home, and out of the car, and into the basement, the kids were smiling and twirling, and laughing and being their ultra silly selves. They were happy. I love it when they are happy together. When they play together so well. I’m a good mom. My kids are happy kids who are learning and growing. My kids are loving kids who care about other people and aren’t afraid to show concern when others are sad. My kids love to laugh and I give them ample opportunities to do so. I love my kids and I’m a good mom.

My husband is a terrific husband and father. He plays with the kids every day. He has special games he plays with them and special songs he sings to them. Games and songs that mom either isn’t willing to play or songs mom can never remember the words to. He has worked hard to provide for us, and continues to work hard as he is in dental school. I love it when the kids do something cute or funny and we share a look. A look that says, “we have the cutest, most smartest, most adorable kids ever.”

And it’s true.


trublubyu said...

i feel for you. you never know what you'll get from people when you are in public with your children. but you are right- you are a good mom.

Amber Omer said...

Hey Kel! What a good post. Thanks! I had to laugh to myself today while in the cheapest produce market ever up in Mesa that was crowded beyond any, even nearly, comfortable level. Every elderly woman in the store made some sort of comment or gave a look about Abby. But I laughed especially hard when one lady came up to see the headband/bow she had in her hair...she said how cute it was and then leaned in really close to my face and asked, "It isn't too tight is it?" Like I would force an uncomfortably tight band to be on my kids head or something! :) SO FUNNY! The kiddo loves her "bows" as she calls them, and won't let us leave the house unless she has one on. It's crazy!
Anyways, your store comment made me think of that. We are good moms! Thanks for being such a good example to me!
(sorry if there are incoherent sentences or type-os. It is 12:37 am. It's been a long day!)

Shellie said...

I had a lady chase me down in a grocery store telling me that my son was too hot in a full spiderman costume. I have no idea why she thought that. He was as happy as could be. I guess she just felt hot looking at him. I seriously didn't get it.

The Mirci Family said...

Oh yes! Why don't the old men say anything? Well they DO think you are doing a good job, and they admire you even trying. I have gotten many nice things said from the odd old men at check out or the crossing guards. Women (most) think it is their business to but into everyone elses business. This is just the way women are. So... did you ask this person if she raised her own kids, or pu them in full time 7am-6pm child care???Huh? did ya, did ya! Sorry I'm venting, I always want to say that to them! I'm going out a few times today, and I'll see if I have the courage to say it, or at least something instead of cowering like I ususally do!!! BTW, I heard you said there is a SUPER WALLMART on Rockside Rd. My mission is to find it today! If I do I will live there.

Kellie Buckner said...

Shellie, that is just too funny.

Diane, I never thought about it before, but you're right, it is the old men that think the kids are so cute and think that we are great moms, while the older women think we don't have a clue. Weird.

Jess said...

in response to your comment on my blog: yes and no. i work tonight, so you could say that my costume is a pizza girl - i will even be playing the part and bringing pizza! i think i should wear baggy pants with big pockets so that if people want to give me candy, they can..

Leanne said...

I got that sort of thing when in Maine last month, most people would look at my boys, whether nice or naughty and then look at my baby belly and shake their heads. OR they would say something like "what are you having?" I would tell them a girl, and the absolute next response would be "then your done right?"

Is it their business? I don't think so!

Tracey said...

Wow. I'm not sure what the crap that lady was thinking, but what bum! Yeah, I think that would have put me in a stink too! HOWEVER, You ARE a good mom! And your kids ARE good, adorable kids! Unfortunately some people just don't know when to mind their own business.