Never, repeat, never go to Wal-Mart if you need chutney. The employees do not know what it is or where to find it.
Yesterday I got a new issue of a wonderful cooking magazine that my mom-in-law has been so gracious to get me. I look forward to each new issue because when I look through it I actually feel like cooking. And for those of you who read the tags post, you must know that isn't often since I stated that "I hate to cook." Because really, I do. But when I get this magazine in the mail I get so excited looking at the tasty food that looks so easy to make. One of the recipes was a yummy potato and kielbasa skillet which I insisted on trying. Another was a tortillini dish. And then there was a side of carrots which looked scrumptious.
It was the carrots that got me at the store. They called for Mango Chutney. I've never bought chutney before, but judging from it's name, specifically the mango part, told me it might be a jelly-like substance.
Still with this possible understanding I wasn't sure what it was or where to find it. I stopped an employee and asked.
Me: Excuse me, I have a question. Do you know where I could find chutney?
Not-Quite-There Employee: Uhhh. [scratches head, jaw slack, eyes glazed] No. I don't know what that is.
Me: Right. Ok. [backing away slowly] Thanks.
Then I asked a manager. Get this, the MANAGER!
Manager: What is that? Chutney? No. I don't think we have that. If we do it would be in the produce.
Me: [Produce? Is he kidding?] Uh. Ok. I'll check there. [walk away]
Manager: I'll come with you.
So the manager asked a produce employee who so brilliantly said, "No, we don't carry chutney."
About five minutes later in the frozen foods section, Produce Guy: Hey, I was thinking about the chutney. I was thinking that you could just mix some spices. You know, like get some mango spice and some chutney spice and just mix them up."
Me: I didn't think of that.
Yeah. You want to know why I didn't think of that? Because there's no such thing as mango or chutney spice!! It is a JELLY-LIKE substance! So all y'all at Wal-Mart (I know there's a couple of you who check this blog once in a while) if anyone asks where the chutney is or if you sell it, please do not advise them to mix mango spice and chutney spice together.